dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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