Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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