yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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