Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
