she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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