sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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