Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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