I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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