Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize