Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
