i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
