apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
