We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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