Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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