I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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