He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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