i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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