Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
