As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
