I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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