Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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