I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
