I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
