sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The ass gains better be worth it
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