i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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