every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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