who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
