and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Come share oat with me in your robe
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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