the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
