Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize