Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
