as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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