I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
