Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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