it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
