If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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