someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
