it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
