Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think your dad took our porno
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
