K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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