It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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