He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
