I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
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Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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