Can i not drive my cunt home
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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