I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
