she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
