I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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