Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
