dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize