I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
