Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How does it feel to date your dad?
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