i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
