so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
