i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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