Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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