Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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