I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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