I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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