If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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