I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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