It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
