So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
