he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Two words: nipple clamps
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