My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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