I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
