He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
