I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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