make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
