i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
