I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize