I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
