Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
